Motherhood: A Higher Calling

I've always pursued my passion. I started my career by being a volunteer worker for our community to hopefully bring the love of God to them and help form their character and hone their leadership potentials. Two years after I found myself pursuing my dream of becoming a teacher, a dream I've had since my second year in high school. I wanted to make a difference in the world, so I chose to work with the young. And I was very much fulfilled in what I did. On the side of teaching, I continued (even at present) to serve in our community's youth program. As a single person, my passion was loving God through my service with the youth and teaching grade school girls.

I have mentioned in my other posts, that the calling and vocation of marriage changes you. The weird thing I realize is that it makes the world you revolve in smaller than how it was as a single person. When I was single, I had more time to go out with friends and stay up until past midnight. As a single person who wanted to radically serve and be active in the church, I was willing to go anywhere and do everything. I was sent to Cagayan de Oro, Davao, and even Singapore for Mission Trips. And how I would love to do that again.

When I got married, my life sort of turned around, slowed down. I found myself wanting to just be with my husband, go home, or if I wanted to hang out with friends, it was usually a smaller group and usually composed of married friends. 

When I got pregnant, I couldn't do a lot of things anymore or go anywhere I would like. 

When I gave birth, I suddenly had this baby who needed me all the time. 

Not that I didn't welcome the change. I actually embraced it, with a little pain. I wondered to my leader, why it seemed like my world is smaller now. I could only offer little of my time for others, I had to go home early when I went back to work, and again, I couldn't go anywhere I wanted to. And this wasn't a selfish "I want" all the time, okay? I wanted to serve, I wanted to be there for friends. I wanted to meet and catch up with friends. But I couldn't. At least not as much as before.

Don't get me wrong. I am actually not complaining. Honest! As I said, I welcomed the change, with, well, a little pain. My leader said that, as a married person, what I was going through was normal. Your world becomes smaller because your priorities and roles change. Whew. Thank God. 

When I was younger, one of my motivations for getting married is to have children. Imagine how amazing God is, he fulfilled that desire. Trivia: I wanted a boy. When I was pregnant, people would ask me if we wanted a boy or girl. I would say, any, as long as the baby is healthy and normal. But God made my dream come true. We were having a boy.

One reason I wanted to teach was because I really love children. So you can imagine, how much I wanted to have my own. One of my greatest fears, other than cockroaches, is to never be able to conceive. But when I got married, I just surrendered it all to God. And two years after getting married, we were gifted with our own baby.

Sacrifice is a word often used in the vocabulary of motherhood. I have shared about things I had to let go. And again, it is not easy and without pain. Recently, I was catching up with another leader of mine in community. I was telling her about our recent challenge in our finances since I was currently on leave from work and without pay. She said, "You will be blessed because your intentions are not for yourself." Oh wow. Right to my heart. And that was when it all became clear. All this is really for my family, especially for my son. The decision to spend this year with him, having to sacrifice a bit, no, a lot, of our finances, was His calling for me, for us, for now. It was for me to be with my son as he goes through changes and growth. It was for me to start raising him the way God wants us to.

At this point, I had to forget about myself. I had to think of my son and his needs. I also wish to be with him as he goes through the crucial stages of his life. It may mean giving up a lot of things for me. But that's what this is all about. It's what God calls me to do now. The journey will not be simple nor easy, but with His grace and the support and prayers of those around me, I can wholeheartedly say yes to a higher calling for my life called motherhood.