Reminiscing the Birthing Experience Eleven Months Later

So here's the real story of my giving birth. I gave birth through Caesarian delivery, something we did not expect. I had a birth plan ready but we did not really show it. I thought I would make it with normal delivery, but my doctor found out there was a problem with my pelvic bone area. I went through the pain of labor. Epidural. Reached up to eight centimeters. I was almost there. And I could manage it. But the Lord had other plans. I had to go through emergency c-section.

Vaguely remembering this photo of me and my baby

A painful memory of giving birth is not being able to see my son for about two days. I saw him right after the operation and that was it. I was stuck in my hospital room. 

To be honest, my experience after giving birth was traumatic. I wish I knew I wouldn't delivery normally. I wish I was able to request for rooming in of the baby or at least to have him brought to me the day after I gave birth. I was pretty much asleep the whole day after giving birth, and my dad, who was the pedia, probably wanted me to rest that's why the baby wasn't brought to me. Stories about visitors seeing him and from the nurses, made me long to see him soon. So my OB said that if I could walk already, I can go to the nursery and see him. 

It pained me to not have control over things. It was my hubby who had to assist me in EVERYTHING. My son, obviously was formula fed, something I decided against before I gave birth. I did not get to breastfeed for about 2 days. I had to go through blood transfusion. I had an allergic reaction to the transfusion which caused me to have fever. I could not eat properly. I was not allowed to go to the bathroom. Gross. Painful. Traumatic. I cried. I pitied my husband for being my nurse, myself for being so useless, and the baby, who I couldn't be there for.

As I began to feel more normal and more emotionally stable, I managed the situation better. I believe I am a fighter. And so is my God. I prayed for the allergy and fever to go away. I fought against it. I prayed and convinced myself I will be able to stand and walk and see my son. And so, I won the battle. I was able to see him, finally. The first time I held him in my arms, I cried. He was so beautiful. And he cried loud. And he had his father's dimples.

Noah with my father AKA his pedia. Look at the little boy's dimples.

I will never forget how my husband selflessly took care of me. Add to that my parents, who made sure we had everything we needed. A great blessing is that my father is the pediatrician! My in-laws are also the kindest people on earth. My mother-in-law even gave me a foot massage because my feet were swelling after giving birth. Friends and family were there to pray for me/us, celebrate the new bundle of joy we have, and just simply be there for us. It was during the same gross, traumatic, and painful moment that I experienced being loved and blessed by so many people.

My hubby and my mom visiting Noah in the nursery

Aside from bringing home a big handsome baby boy, I brought home with me lessons in life.

Life is full of uncertainties and I should be ready with that.
I am not always in control of my life.
It is okay to depend on others.
If you believe something will happen, it will. As long as it is God's will.
God always answers prayers.

Almost a year after, I relive the experience. I am left with a heart in awe of how one begins the journey and miracle of becoming a mother.

Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."