Homemaking 101: Relationship-building with Househelpers

I was blessed to have parents who have budget for house helpers. They are such blessings! Although, because of them, I grew up not knowing how to do some household chores, especially cooking. I remember how spoiled I was, because during times I did not like the food (this doesn't happen often though), the helper would cook hotdogs or bacon for me. Actually, until now, when I visit the old home, and they serve food I do not eat, our Ate Ging still cooks hotdogs for me.

Beginning our life as husband and wife, I had to learn doing those chores I did not know how to do. Thank God, though, for laundry shops, I did not have to do the laundry, except for the small and delicate items. Later on, especially as I got pregnant, we needed help. So my kind and generous in-laws sent us the weekly labandera/plantsadora. And of course, after giving birth, we needed another help, for the baby and the household chores.

I do believe that other than your husband and children, another relationship you have to nurture is that with your household helpers, whatever their task may be. While pregnant one of my leaders in the community I belong to talked to me about managing the home, specifically handling the helper. In our case, it was the soon-to-be yaya of my son. Looking back now, I am glad my leader talked to me about it. She told me that I also have to take care of my relationship with the helpers. Being the one in-charge of the home, it was my job to oversee the helper.

When I recall stories told by my mom or grandmother about their household helpers, I imagined my grandmother, who was called Senorita then, ringing a tiny bell when calling for the helper. I also recall watching how actors in the movies or tv shows treat the helpers. And I pity them. My grandmother was not so bad though, but still, I cannot imagine being called Senorita! Never!

We were again blessed to find a yaya for our son right away. She stayed and was trained first in my in-laws house, at least, before I gave birth. But once a week, she would be in the house cleaning or doing the laundry of the small items, etc.

I am thankful for the formation I have been receiving in community where how to treat others is part of it. A few friends also shared about the Kasambahay Bill, read through it and got some information on the legal rights of the helpers.

Over the past few months of managing the home with the helper around, it wasn't simple. I had to relay to her some rules and responsibilities. I had to train her and make certain things or tasks a routine to her. Thankfully, she was easy to train and easy to talk to. She has the initiative to do things around the house. I kid her at times saying we're meant to "work together" because we're both not used to not doing anything. She is not perfect, she makes mistakes, forgets things, and well, she is human! But what I learned from this experience is this: most of the time, it doesn't matter HOW she does things, as long as she is able to do what I asked or what is expected of her. She may clean the house differently or wash dishes in a different manner, but what matters is the job is done.

"Do unto others as you would have them do to you." The Golden Rule! I believe that if you treat your helper kindly, she will do the same towards you and especially your children. I try my best to use kind words when speaking to her. I affirm her when I see she did a good job. I let her watch TV, nap in the afternoon, eat with us, give her gifts on special occasions, let her attend church, let her go out with her family or friends, and treat her as part of the family. House helpers are not equal to slaves. They need rest, and they need to have fun, too. I also tell her stories about our life, she tells hers. She shares her problems sometimes. We even prayed for her during her birthday.

What I appreciate about our helper is she's honest and open. I even asked her if she doesn't mind training her in English, too. I guess it is also due our own honesty and openness towards her.

Another good thing about her is she genuinely loves our son. She rejoices in his little achievements and feel bad for his mosquito bites. We are amazed with the amount of energy she has, playing with him, making him sleep, bathing him, especially now that he's sooo active!

Of course, I am not always kind, I am human, too. But I try, my husband tries. And the result is, she has been with us since they day we needed her.

It is a blessing to have budget for a helper. It is a blessing to have a helper who matches your needs and preferences. It isn't as simple, but with the wisdom and experience of friends from our community and the example I have witnessed from my parents, it is possible to maintain a good relationship with our house help.

For the first time I am an employer, and I feel I am doing okay.

Continue the journey with me!