Motherhood: A Higher Calling

I've always pursued my passion. I started my career by being a volunteer worker for our community to hopefully bring the love of God to them and help form their character and hone their leadership potentials. Two years after I found myself pursuing my dream of becoming a teacher, a dream I've had since my second year in high school. I wanted to make a difference in the world, so I chose to work with the young. And I was very much fulfilled in what I did. On the side of teaching, I continued (even at present) to serve in our community's youth program. As a single person, my passion was loving God through my service with the youth and teaching grade school girls.

I have mentioned in my other posts, that the calling and vocation of marriage changes you. The weird thing I realize is that it makes the world you revolve in smaller than how it was as a single person. When I was single, I had more time to go out with friends and stay up until past midnight. As a single person who wanted to radically serve and be active in the church, I was willing to go anywhere and do everything. I was sent to Cagayan de Oro, Davao, and even Singapore for Mission Trips. And how I would love to do that again.

When I got married, my life sort of turned around, slowed down. I found myself wanting to just be with my husband, go home, or if I wanted to hang out with friends, it was usually a smaller group and usually composed of married friends. 

When I got pregnant, I couldn't do a lot of things anymore or go anywhere I would like. 

When I gave birth, I suddenly had this baby who needed me all the time. 

Not that I didn't welcome the change. I actually embraced it, with a little pain. I wondered to my leader, why it seemed like my world is smaller now. I could only offer little of my time for others, I had to go home early when I went back to work, and again, I couldn't go anywhere I wanted to. And this wasn't a selfish "I want" all the time, okay? I wanted to serve, I wanted to be there for friends. I wanted to meet and catch up with friends. But I couldn't. At least not as much as before.

Don't get me wrong. I am actually not complaining. Honest! As I said, I welcomed the change, with, well, a little pain. My leader said that, as a married person, what I was going through was normal. Your world becomes smaller because your priorities and roles change. Whew. Thank God. 

When I was younger, one of my motivations for getting married is to have children. Imagine how amazing God is, he fulfilled that desire. Trivia: I wanted a boy. When I was pregnant, people would ask me if we wanted a boy or girl. I would say, any, as long as the baby is healthy and normal. But God made my dream come true. We were having a boy.

One reason I wanted to teach was because I really love children. So you can imagine, how much I wanted to have my own. One of my greatest fears, other than cockroaches, is to never be able to conceive. But when I got married, I just surrendered it all to God. And two years after getting married, we were gifted with our own baby.

Sacrifice is a word often used in the vocabulary of motherhood. I have shared about things I had to let go. And again, it is not easy and without pain. Recently, I was catching up with another leader of mine in community. I was telling her about our recent challenge in our finances since I was currently on leave from work and without pay. She said, "You will be blessed because your intentions are not for yourself." Oh wow. Right to my heart. And that was when it all became clear. All this is really for my family, especially for my son. The decision to spend this year with him, having to sacrifice a bit, no, a lot, of our finances, was His calling for me, for us, for now. It was for me to be with my son as he goes through changes and growth. It was for me to start raising him the way God wants us to.

At this point, I had to forget about myself. I had to think of my son and his needs. I also wish to be with him as he goes through the crucial stages of his life. It may mean giving up a lot of things for me. But that's what this is all about. It's what God calls me to do now. The journey will not be simple nor easy, but with His grace and the support and prayers of those around me, I can wholeheartedly say yes to a higher calling for my life called motherhood.

Travel Lessons from A First-time (and breastfeeding) Mom

I grew up with travel and vacation as part of our family's annual (sometimes more than once) traditions. I am fortunate enough to have parents, especially a mother, who loves to travel. And to this very day, with their grandkids, we continue the tradition. And this time, it was MY first time to travel with my own child. Being a self-declared OC, I was set to prepare well for the travel. We were traveling out of the country for 6 days and 5 nights.

Here are 10 things I did that helped make my first time experience memorable, fun, and manageable: 

1. Start packing at least two days before the trip. I was packing for three persons, my son, husband and myself. I came up with a list, based from what I usually bring, and from what I got from some blogs. This was the first time we were traveling out of the country and first time for my son to ride a plane.

2. Consider the weather. It was quite warm in Malaysia, which was where we went, by the way. I find that it was a good thing, since I only needed to pack light clothing. I had to choose what my son and I would wear, considering the extra clothes needed in case of accidents and unexpected situations.  

Wearing light clothes for the warm weather

3. Research availability and affordability of things. I had to think about bringing disposable diapers or buying from there. Good thing the brand we use, which is Drypers, was available and cheaper in Malaysia. I packed a small pack just in case and then bought a bigger pack from Malaysia. 

My son doesn't like eating spicy food, which was the more easily available there, so we decided to bring bottled/packed food and snacks just in case. Healthy Options provide healthy food that's quite convenient to bring around. A little expensive but saves a lot energy and effort. And my son actually likes to eat them.

I tried looking for yogurt, like the ones here in Manila, and it wasn't easily available. I only found them in big groceries. This is something I feed my toddler that's convenient, affordable, and healthy. I got the Nestle Yogurt Strawberry and Mixed Berries and Acai flavors. The price is pretty much the same. But the one in Malaysia is more user-friendly, it comes with a foldable plastic spoon and a lid. I think the one in Malaysia is creamier also.

As for shopping, my habit was to keep converting. Some people say stop converting and just buy. I say, consider your budget first. And we did buy some stuff, mostly food and lipstick for me, which were really cheaper there.

4. Capture the moments. Okay. This is like cliche. But guess what, sometimes we forget, due to various reasons, the kids start having tantrums, the camera's in the innermost part of the bag, weather's too hot, etc. But when we remember to pose for a photo, we do! There are so many things to capture during these times, from magnificent views, to amazing tourist spots, to what you had for lunch, to your companions priceless reactions. And it will help when you want to reminisce.

5. Agree on responsibilities or tasks with hubby. I would keep the passports and boarding passes. My hubby would carry the baby bag. I would bathe our son, he would dress him. I carry my son mostly, but when he gets too hyper or I feel tired, my hubby gets him from me. I carry him mostly, because I breastfeed him. I sit with the kiddo, he gets our food, or vice versa. And the list goes on.

Hubby carries the little boy and I carry our backpack

6. Speaking of breastfeeding, if you can, breastfeed. I find it very convenient. You do not have to prepare or bring a lot. Although, I had to consider the culture of Malaysia. If there was a nursery/breastfeeding room, I would go and feed there. But I would take advantage of the place. I change my son's diapers and I rest. When I cannot find the nursery room, I use my nursing cover. And at the end of the day, when you're tired from a day of touring, it's convenient to just feed your child immediately in the middle of the night.

7. Using the totseat (it's like a portable chair strap for babies) and Bitybean (a baby carrier), is so helpful. Not all restaurants have high chairs, or you're not really sure how they clean it. So the totseat allows us to seat/strap our son without the hassle of us trying to keep him seated. As for the Bitybean, my forever reliable carrier, it helps me achieve many things, get the baby to sleep, and I do not feel as tired as when I do not use a carrier. (Read about my baby-wearing experiences here.)

Walking to Kuala Lumpur City Center: baby-wearing a sleeping tot 

Noah using the totseat during one of our meals

8. Ask help from companions. I'm blessed with a family who adores my child the way I adore my siblings' children. They volunteer to carry, watch over him, dress him, and play with him when my husband and I cannot, or will not. Haha.

9. Research. Aside from looking for a list of things to pack or breastfeeding stations, I did the itinerary of our trip: places, food that you have to try, churches for Sunday mass, etc. We didn't completely follow it, but at least we had ideas on where to go or what to do. Since we had toddlers/preschoolers with us, I knew I had to look for places that were more or less good for these children. And well, I guess, in more ways, the itinerary helped. But I think because there were too many things to do and places to go, we only did an ocular and maybe should come back to really go and try everything. Haha.

10. Pray. Stay connected with God. Offer the trip. Offer the day. Ask for His blessing. We were blessed to get the chance to go to confession before the anticipated mass. Connecting to God was important, I needed the grace. It kept me more patient (and I fail a lot in this, that's why I needed to pray more) and more flexible. I think it allowed our family to be more accepting and forgiving of the unpleasant things that came with the trip.

Attended anticipated mass at St. John's Cathedral, the confession box was near us allowing us to go to confession

10 simple things. If I have not done my assignment, the journey wouldn't have been as pleasant and unforgettable...

Next stop?

You Know You're a Pinoy Mom My Version

We Filipinos are very unique, especially when it comes to raising children. Just some random thoughts about being a Filipino mom. I am confident a lot of moms (and children) can relate.

You know you're a Pinoy mom when...
1. You let your child "swim" outside your house using a big basin/batya.

2. You let your child play with a tabo when bathing.

3. One of the first greetings you teach your baby is to "bless" or mano.
4. You know and (unlike me) believe in the word usog.
5. Ninongs and ninangs are very important people in your family's life.

Noah's Baptism with his Ninongs and Ninangs

6. Once your baby starts eating, you give them Marie biscuit.

Miss this biscuit?

7. You have additional house help just for your baby/kid, and most call them yaya or ate. (does not apply to all moms)

These are some of the unique things I have experienced or witnessed as a Pinoy mom. It makes the motherhood journey more memorable and interesting.

There's a lot more to add here. Do you have anything to add to this list?

#ItsMoreFunInThePhilippines

Baby Wearing: Saya Carrier and Bitybean Ultra Compact Carrier

My first carrier: Saya Carrier borrowed from Rinka

Will I be a baby-wearing mother or not? This was a question I had to consider for some time. I observed, read up, and asked friends. Rinka Romero, a good friend of mine, have shared with me a lot of her rookie momma experiences, which includes baby-wearing. After a few discussions with her, I was sold. Next problem was what brand or kind to get! She lent me her Saya Carrier, and it was really awesome! It was comfortable and snug. It was a pleasant experience for both me and my son. I used it when my family and I went out-of-town. So convenient to have it with me because it frees up my hands. My mom even tried using it with Noah and liked it.

Noah relaxing in the Saya Carrier

I used the Saya Carrier for around two months only because Noah grew heavier and I was smaller than Rinka. Noah was already too low when I was carrying him for a longer period of time. But my love and need for carriers became stronger. I realized the big help it gave me. It allows me to do several things while carrying the baby. It also provides a means for my baby to fall asleep easily and sleep for a long period of time. I honestly cannot count the number of times where Noah would fall asleep while I was walking while wearing him.

So began the search for a carrier. Originally, I planned to get another Saya Carrier, but with a size smaller than what I borrowed and we can afford it. One weekend in May, I went to Expo Mom, a bazaar by Mommy Mundo. I went to the Indigo Baby booth and to check out the Saya Carrier and their available designs. Sadly, I didn't see anything I liked, though they had my size. I think that this was a blessing in disguise because that was when I found my match!

The Bitybean Cleverly Compact Carrier (photo from Mommy's Little Boss)

I found the booth of Mommy's Little Boss. They were selling different baby products: Dr. Seuss bibs and clothes, shoes that babies can use from newborn to I think eighteen months, and then I saw the Bitybean Ultra Compact Carrier. Mav, the awesome mom behind Mommy's Little Boss, was so accommodating and helpful to let me try out the Bitybean. It was the first time it was introduced here in the Philippines. It is made in Vietnam but designed by an American who was a dad. Its design is very similar to the popular, but kinda expensive, Ergo. As an introductory price, the Bitybean Ultra Compact Carrier was sold at 2500 php. Mav was honest enough to say she wasn't ready with any good (or bad) feedback about the product yet. In fact, she was asking me to give her feedback once I decide to purchase it. And so after trying it on and a discussion with my hubby, we decided to get the carrier.

The Bitybean is a must have for me because:
1. It is made in Vietnam. Asian. Supporting our neighbors.

2. It is small and lightweight. It can easily fit in the baby bag and since I use a small baby bag, it's perfect! It's almost the same height as a 250 ml alcohol bottle.

3. It may be used while swimming. Although I haven't had the chance to try it yet.

4. Anyone can use it: I, my husband, the yaya, and even my sister used it. Rinka, who encouraged me to write a review on this, and because she tried it and liked it, used it with her brilliant and cute daughter. Adjusting may take time but it is quite simple.

5. It is easy to wash/clean. Handwash or washing machine.

6. The material used to make it is not too warm when you wear it. It makes baby and the person wearing it comfortable and not sweat that much.

7. It helps lull the baby to sleep. Worked for me, my hubby, yaya, and sister. It gives the baby the snug feeling and babies like that.

8. Lastly, you can use it anywhere. We have used it while in the grocery, while window shopping, while at church, commuting, and attending different occasions.

Noah and I visiting (shopping) Mommy's Little Boss booth in the Mommy Mundo Bazaar

I was told that for the newborns (one to three months old babies), their legs can be guided or more secure, using the straps inside. 

You can also purchase the sleep/shade hood, for breastfeeding, protection from the sun and I guess when it starts drizzling. It also helps reduce distractions when baby is asleep. I don't have this yet, but thinking of buying it.

Photo from Mommy's Little Boss: BityBean with sleep/shade hood

You can use the Bitybean carrier for front and back carrying. For the front carrying, the baby has to face you, never facing outward. And for the correct position, you should be able to kiss your baby's forehead. 

Noah and I enjoy back carrying, though we don't do it often. Someone has to help me every time I carry him on my back. One time in the grocery, he fell asleep while on my back. The Bitybean is THAT comfortable for him. 

There is also a fleece infant liner, to make it more comfortable and warm for the baby. But living in the Philippines, and with Noah who easily prespires, we didn't find the need to buy it.

Maximum weight for the Bitybean is 40 kilos.

I have been using the Bitybean carrier for a little over five months and I see myself using it until I am able, until it can carry Noah's weight. Maybe in the future, if God gifts us with another child, I will definitely use it for him/her.

This is my journey of baby wearing. I really really recommend using either the Saya Carrier and/or Bitybean Carrier. They are both easy to use and the quality is good, but I think I am more inlove with the Bitybean. Both have made me love motherhood more.

You can check out the Bitybean Ultra Compact Carrier in Facebook through Mommy's Little Boss.

Reminiscing the Birthing Experience Eleven Months Later

So here's the real story of my giving birth. I gave birth through Caesarian delivery, something we did not expect. I had a birth plan ready but we did not really show it. I thought I would make it with normal delivery, but my doctor found out there was a problem with my pelvic bone area. I went through the pain of labor. Epidural. Reached up to eight centimeters. I was almost there. And I could manage it. But the Lord had other plans. I had to go through emergency c-section.

Vaguely remembering this photo of me and my baby

A painful memory of giving birth is not being able to see my son for about two days. I saw him right after the operation and that was it. I was stuck in my hospital room. 

To be honest, my experience after giving birth was traumatic. I wish I knew I wouldn't delivery normally. I wish I was able to request for rooming in of the baby or at least to have him brought to me the day after I gave birth. I was pretty much asleep the whole day after giving birth, and my dad, who was the pedia, probably wanted me to rest that's why the baby wasn't brought to me. Stories about visitors seeing him and from the nurses, made me long to see him soon. So my OB said that if I could walk already, I can go to the nursery and see him. 

It pained me to not have control over things. It was my hubby who had to assist me in EVERYTHING. My son, obviously was formula fed, something I decided against before I gave birth. I did not get to breastfeed for about 2 days. I had to go through blood transfusion. I had an allergic reaction to the transfusion which caused me to have fever. I could not eat properly. I was not allowed to go to the bathroom. Gross. Painful. Traumatic. I cried. I pitied my husband for being my nurse, myself for being so useless, and the baby, who I couldn't be there for.

As I began to feel more normal and more emotionally stable, I managed the situation better. I believe I am a fighter. And so is my God. I prayed for the allergy and fever to go away. I fought against it. I prayed and convinced myself I will be able to stand and walk and see my son. And so, I won the battle. I was able to see him, finally. The first time I held him in my arms, I cried. He was so beautiful. And he cried loud. And he had his father's dimples.

Noah with my father AKA his pedia. Look at the little boy's dimples.

I will never forget how my husband selflessly took care of me. Add to that my parents, who made sure we had everything we needed. A great blessing is that my father is the pediatrician! My in-laws are also the kindest people on earth. My mother-in-law even gave me a foot massage because my feet were swelling after giving birth. Friends and family were there to pray for me/us, celebrate the new bundle of joy we have, and just simply be there for us. It was during the same gross, traumatic, and painful moment that I experienced being loved and blessed by so many people.

My hubby and my mom visiting Noah in the nursery

Aside from bringing home a big handsome baby boy, I brought home with me lessons in life.

Life is full of uncertainties and I should be ready with that.
I am not always in control of my life.
It is okay to depend on others.
If you believe something will happen, it will. As long as it is God's will.
God always answers prayers.

Almost a year after, I relive the experience. I am left with a heart in awe of how one begins the journey and miracle of becoming a mother.

Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Where Motherhood has Brought Me So Far

A little over nine months after giving birth, I am still uncertain of things. I am still asking questions. I am still learning how it is to be a mother. Sometimes, I still find myself amazed that I have this charming little boy and he's ours forever. But it can also be overwhelming because everything that we do, to, for and with him will impact him forever. It is truly a blessing and a privilege to be called to the vocation of marriage and motherhood.

Today, I wish to share about the beginning of this journey of motherhood. A journey that is awesome and beautiful for its share of pleasures and pains, triumphs and trials.

Simpler life. I read an article that said, having a child makes life simpler. It is true! 

For one, I learned to pay more attention to budgeting, to our finances. We had to adjust our lifestyle and live a simpler life. Simplicity is relative though. For us, we had to cut down on a lot of things. Especially when I decided to take a leave from work for year. Our income was cut to half. So, we rarely eat out nowadays. I had to kinda give up my always-wanting-to-try-something-new drive when it comes to food and restaurants. It was, it is, a struggle! 

Like I shared in my previous post, I had to change the way I did my groceries.
I had to lessen my me-time. I used to go to the nail salon every two weeks, now I go when I can see that we have a little extra, or if I really need it already. 
I often have to say no to those impulsive cravings or desire to buy not-so-important things for myself.

Simpler life called for simpler schedule as well. We learned to say no. We learned to prioritize. We also learned to rest a little more. Well, sometimes.

Simpler life made us take joy in simple things, as well. Little victories, such as hearing our son giggle for the first time, or being treated by my siblings for dinner.

Dinner c/o my younger brother and sister in Project Pie

Deeper relationships. Motherhood, and even homemaking life, led me to deepen bonds with amazing women. I would spend time chatting with old friends or family over Viber or Facebook, or even meet up with them, talking about the rewards and challenges that come with this vocation. I really enjoy learning from others' experiences. I really find it a blessing that there are others who started the journey ahead of me. And I am equally grateful that I have women who are currently on the same boat with me.

I also learned to be more understanding and less judgmental of others. I realize that people are raised differently and people raise their children differently. That we have to respect. This made me kinder towards others. I pause and try to see where they are coming from or what they are going through. This teaches me also to become a better wife and mother to my own.

Playdate photo session and bonding with cousins
(L to R) My son Noah, Elijah at the back, and Paco with mama, my MOH, Coco

Stronger faith. Because everything is uncertain, every child is different, and no one really has all the answers to motherhood, the only best person I can rely on is my God. With Him, I am certain. With Him, I am confident. I always tell Him in prayer, "You called me to this life, You brought me this far, I give it all back to You." And He just does wonders. When my son is sick, I just pray. When our finances are tighter, I just pray. When I feel tired of doing all that I am doing, I just pray. It doesn't mean life is easier on me. Well, maybe a little, maybe a lot. But amazingly, I guess, He just works and He answers. The little boy starts feeling better. My generous lola gives some money randomly. My in-laws send us food for lunch. And I could still go on. 

Faith is stronger because it wasn't also easy keeping it strong. The demands of the home and the little boy wasn't predictable for someone who is a first timer. It was difficult to pray, to find time to be with my God and just be there. The little boy needs to feed, time to cook lunch already, something in the house needs my immediate attention, etc, etc. It's a little predictable now. Thank you, Lord!

Motherhood simply made me grow in my faith.

A more grateful heart. Motherhood made me a better person (PERIOD)

If motherhood were a flight, I would say, I just lifted off the runway and am starting to see the view. And the journey continues.